just got a hand job during a movie in class today is gonna be great!
If you stick your dick in my spaghetti, we're fighting.
It got to the point that I had to make flashcards with their name on the front and dick pics on the back.
FYI the landlord called, said we need to clean the puke off the side of the house...was someone on the roof lastnight??
I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol
Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn.
I'm going to make a mold of my tits to bake a cake for him for our anniversary.. I can see the pride in his eyes now.
I think online classes were designed around the concept of day drinking.
Your couch is like an animal shelter for stray drunks.
Is it bad if I just put band-aids over my nipples? Way too hungover be dealing with a bra
Best day ever, my junk is bigger than Kate Uptons boyfriends. Yay for Fappening day!
And one groomsman rode a suitcase cart like a skateboard until he crashed and took out a piece of sheet rock. Later he pulled out his nuts.
I accidentally gave my prayer card to the bouncer. Clearly a cry for help #saveme
That awkward moment when you realize that last night you walked from in n out to petco, bought a mouse for $3, named it mogar, taught it how to skateboard on a techdeck, made it a home out of a trash can, fed it fruity pebbles and cheese, and then forgot where you left it.
I sent her a video on Snapchat of me cumming, with a Father's Day snap filter that said "#1 Dad".
He tried to do a JoJo pose and wound up breaking his wrist in the process. Truly a story for the ages.
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