There's a show on the Discovery Channel about T-Rex sex. I think this just made my life.
Well he paid for dinner, so I paid for the Plan B, but the parking ticket I got is totally his responsibility.
I am drunk at a castle and it isn't even 3. Europe is amazing.
After she came with my hands around her neck, she sat there for a minute and gave me the scuba diving sign for a-ok.
of course not. I do my best teaching on a hungover monday. I did the research. im still okay with the direction in which my life is headed.
I just spend twenty minutes scrubing the "Happy Birthday" off of my vagina. He's never gonna forget this.
I just woke up in bed, rolled over, and found a whole pizza.
this is the second day in a row.
Oh. Yeah. It's the same pizza then.
The only pictures I have are of me being stoned or me looking like a man, which do you prefer?
You were convinced you would hurt my car if you opened the door. Then you barfed in the pretzle bucket Peter gave you
thanks for piggy backing me around for the rest of the night when I got too drunk to stand.
being single and having a boyfriend 300 miles away is eerily similar. never skipped a beat eating hot wings in my bed with no pants or masturbating every day.
Even in drag you're still better looking than your sister.
Your vagina must be outstanding or have a secret entrance to Narnia if someone is will to fly from Texas for one night of it.
It was probably the most embarrassing moment of my life. But I had cleavage, so I'm good!
The only good thing about being back at work is supply room boom boom with my office husband
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