the ice cream truck is coming omgomg
dude, it's 2 am.
but its COMING
boyfriend complimented me on my new prada shoes today. he is officially either gay or the man im gonna marry. knowing my luck it's all of the above.
I just found out how hard it is to put together a fake Christmas tree with a hangover.
My plan for valentine's day: take a shot for every guy I've slept with. To keep me from going to the hospital I'm only doing half a shot for small dicks
I feel like I'm a marionette being lifted around. Four Loko.
The bartender gave me the kids toys. Paddle ball & a gecko.
He wears a hat. All the time. Even during sex. And I'm okay with that.
Any chance you used one if the curtain rods in the fireplace room as a sword? One is missing
My new roommate just announced that she got her period, popped a percoset, smoked a bowl, and started playing a video game. She says she's not moving till it's over. New hero?
I'm eating lunchables with a glass of wine while I FaceTime the guy I lost my virginity to.
You said "I'm not gonna waste my last condom on you" last night.
My lash glue is stronger than my sense of self respect
He went in for a kiss so I shook his hand instead.
I hate being on my period . Did you know that by the time I'm 30 I would've wasted 1,176 days of my life I could've had sex but couldn't bc I was on my period.
had more orgasms than hours of sleep last night
Randomize
