so apparently the car got towed with me passed out in the back seat.
I think he's in need of mouth to penis resuscitation. Which I happen to be certified
While I was fucking him, he grabbed a taco off his shelf and started eating it. I had taco dripped on me. I have no idea where the taco came from.
He was president of his frat and had a clap on disco ball in his room... or course I slept with him
At least I will not still be rolling when I pick up this animal. Thats a good development in five years
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
You told me you had two boobs that want to be naked for me. I'm just following up on your request.
Dude, get out of Andrea's vagina and call me back
When he breaks your heart after he reveals he's gay, I'll be there for you. -Love, Dad
Fell asleep on kitchen floor again, chicken nuggets everywhere.
I'm shaving my vagina to the lion king soundtrack. How's your 9am?
He lives 20 minutes away driving distance and decided to walk. I talked to him today and he took a nap along the way... In a cemetery.
my mom talks about my drinking like its a problem and yet this morning she fills me a solo cup with champagne for the shower.
He said he broke his back in 3 spots & my first thought was "there goes my booty call".
Did u have a 2nd thought
I need a new booty call.
She's like a cask of Amontillado. Very tempting if I was drunk, but sober, I know I'll get fucked over in the end.
Randomize
