woke up in a shopping cart using a keystone box as a blanket. how was your night?
i had a dream that your penis turned into a long neck dinosaur
did it start talking like on Land before time?
I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
it was only during my walk of shame that i realized i was wearing the exact same outfit that julia roberts wears on the dvd cover or pretty woman. prostitution is my destiny.
I'm at taco bell and they have a hiring sign asking "do you like to melt things?" clearly they only want the ambitious.
four loko is apparently banned in the us. so i think its time for us to stock up. i already emailed them about buying them in bulk
Found her. Shes unconscious up against the room door. Her credit card is in the keycard slot
If I had a dick as big as yours. The world would be an oyster. An oyster smaller than my big penis
Ok thats it i need a list. Full names, nicknames, in which frats, with a photo, of all the guys youve hooked up with because three of the same guys is ridiculous
I arrived home at 7am wearing nothing but my underwear and a fedora. I ate half a dozen deviled eggs. Put Katy Perry on repeat. And cried myself to sleep. We cannot go out on Thursday anymore
Came home plastered at 8am. Roommate had hot glued all the ashtrays and various items to their surfaces. Couldn't handle it. Went back to the bar.
I told my boss that I'm in a slutty stage of my life right now and the chef overheard and slipped me his number. I might get laid tonight
Can I put tequila in the fish bowl? I think he wants to party too
I just woke up butt-naked in bed with a guy I've never seen..I reached into my bag next to the bed to get my phone and found a bag of shrooms, a handle of vodka, and 600 dollars that I've never seen. what do I do
enjoy it.
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
Randomize
