hot mess party of 2 ur bar is now available
Oh no, it isn't official until she poops.
She uses empty wine bottles as book ends. 2 on each side. At least 8 shelves.
I don't think the car's salesman understands that I am about to vomit on him.
I WALKED myself out of breath. And I'm lost I'm a Tim Hortons parking lot. That's how hungover I am.
I'm sitting with my parents watching football and moaned when I saw his shirtless picture. They looked at me weird so I had to turn the moan into a laugh. A sad, really horny laugh.
if i ever wake up in the morning and don't feel a boner in my asscrack then this relationship is over
I had a dream about that dude. It was the first time I had a dream about him since the tryst.
The tryst?
The hookup. I like using sophisticated words for my foolish decisions. Makes me retain some dignity.
His penis looked like how I would imagine Satan's pinky finger.
I want a battle ostrich, get me a battle ostrich and then come and make love to me
Why did I wake up with BYOB sharpied on my stomach
well whats the tarot card for I'm totes going to be schlobbing his cob? because that's in his future.
He walked around my apt complex completely naked and started peeing in the maintenance because he thought it was the bathroom. So yeah, pretty drunk.
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
Randomize
