Scared. last time someone tried to talk me into they said it tastes like tapioca and i projectiled onto a closed window
It was kind of weird
What did your mom walk in?
She flung her tampon across the room.
the best part about being a teacher is there are always 20 little kids around me to blame my farts on
Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
I have an odd instinct I wont find my underwear tonight
All I could think about when I saw her was that she could be the mother of my future first round draft picks
he looks SO much like Drake, I feel like an extreme groupie every time we have sex.
Opened the browser on my phone to a web search for midget birth rates per capita. A good night.
When you make me feel sane and well-adjusted, it is time to reevaluate your night out habits. Just sayin'.
I think I'm actually too depressed to do drugs, wow.
I took the beard trimmer to my balls this morning.\nMuch blood. Much blood from my scrotum.
You ran outside of the party to do the rain dance and swim in puddles
He literally ejaculated and I hit Uber
Please tell me you haven’t left campus yet!!!! I forgot my Hitachi and will not survive Thanksgiving without a steady supply of orgasms
Apparently my hair turned out really good because I got my butthole licked by a stranger last night
Randomize
