i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."
You saying I have a drinkingg problem is like saying Superman has a flying problem.
phil was outside the bar last night, sitting on the ground playing songs on a guitar hero guitar to people walking by for money...best version of free bird ever
Ricky Martin is gay. You owe me $10 from 3rd grade.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she was wide awake when they drew a treasure map on her face the she passed out and they played like 7 games of tic tac toe haaa how was your new years
You are the worst substitute drug dealer ever
You called him your tasty little crouton. Which actually wasn't the weirdest part.
You are a piece of meat with a side of awesome to me.
C'mon. I'm still an alcoholic at heart, regardless of its broken or not
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well yes he stayed. He brought Guiness, them he shaved me. It's a long, but beautiful story.
How frowned upon is it to take your vibrator into the tanning bed...because Operation: dripping wet is in full swing and I have a busy schedule
His roommates came in the room and were throwing snowballs at us while we were hooking up.
Our sibling relationship has really blossomed into a wonderful mutual acceptance of sluttyness
Quote from doctor, "that is a VERY angry vagina".
I'm fucked.
I got dominos and had to stop whilst eating and take a moment of silence for how good it was
Randomize