There's a girl here with sideburns. I gave her your number, you can thank me later.
Seriously. Destroy her vagina. Do it like an angry baboon mating with a gentle manatee.
billy ray cyrus is narrating a show on the history channel. my iq cant decide whether to go up or down.
I just answered "If only I knew" for a quiz in criminology, she loved it. I got an A
i just got painted green i'm not about to leave for anything
I don't want to be with anyone who doesn't accept me for who I am. eating cheeseburgers in bed is my favorite activity.
She took one look at my hardon and said, "You have a dick built for anal."
That wasn't a compliment.
The sex was so bad. I kept sending people snapchats of my face during it.
And then I fed you egg rolls in bed as you were screaming I'm moving out
I am going to go Miley Cyrus crazy if I don't get sex soon
Headline in the alligator: young zeta goes berserk after lack of sex and is found naked swinging from wrecking ball on university ave, refuses to get down until sex partner is found
She had a belly button piercing in the shape of a cross. Talk about mixed messages.
for the record im never blowing a guy on the toilet again, that was sad and degrading
I'm pretty sure I just won at life. I touched the bushy tail of a squirrel while he had his mouth full and was digging in a plant on campus. That is all.
So I had this brilliant idea that I would sleep in all sorts of sweatpants and sweatshirts... Apparently I thought I could "sweat" off the drunk in my sleep and that it would make me feel better when I woke up
I woke up with a jacket; in it passport, hockey tickets, sunglasses, credit card, bank transactions
Randomize
