I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
I am not saying a eulogy for your vibrator.
i'm traumatized. his orgasm face consisted of him looking like my dead grandfather and burping.
i had to take off my light up shamrock necklaces, my professor was getting suspicious.
Apparently I blacked out and pissed all over the sliding glass door from the inside, as everyone watched from the outside helplessly....
IM A DRUNK BIRTHDAY CLEOPATRA MESS. CELEBRATE THAT BITCH
In less than 24 hrs I went from conversing with Nobel Laureate, to hangover vomiting in front of a drive thru cashier
Hey, remember when Hot Stuff played in the back of the ambulance? Or no, cause of your concussion...
lesson #1 of freshman year: grinding with a sombrero is difficult
I was kind of torn between "Wow, this is awkward," and "Wow, my therapist is hung."
At one point I yelled "THIS IS MY PENANCE FOR EVERYTHING I'VE DONE WRONG" and started saying Hail Marys
I chatted up the pastor's son on Grindr during the service. Still ridiculing my decision to go to church this morning?
Well my mom knows that the welt I had on my forehead last month was the result of a sex accident. This holiday sucks
i like beer, sex, and cooking. what more can he want?
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