I think we should urban dictionary "drive of shame." It involves a sprint to your car in his underwear and shirt, surreptitiously trying to put on your bra on at stoplights without attracting attention from neighboring cars, and lurking in your car a block from home so you can know when your roommate leaves for work.
The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
On my way, I hope you have alcohol for me to blame stuff on...
I feel like dying is the new "adopt an african baby"
Me and my dog bond so much when im high.
Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
I made an oral joke and he laughed... That's when I realized I wasn't Daddy's Little Girl anymore.
5 out of the 6 of them cut their hands while trying to shot gun the beer, I had never seen balls attached to such patheticness
Dude. You gotta go home. I think I left the snake hanging on the chandelier.
Crappy Mother's Day to you! Those of us who don't have children fill the void with hot sex, sleeping in, more sex, leisurely suntanning, foreign travel, overseas sex, paying cash for sports cars, watching TV, having sex on the floor in front of TV porn, lounging around the house, or whatever the hell we want.
no one ever believes me when I try explaining to them that your straight. I'm all like, "yeah that's his girlfriends dress he's stretching out"
Woke up with an e-cig stuck in my asshole. Explain.
I found the guy I hooked up with last night on Wikipedia, at least now I know how old he is.
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
I'm totes in the mood to go home and like blindly inhale dangerous amounts of porn
Randomize
