it's not a party till someone uses the fire extinguisher.
Your ability to be a slut in your nightmare astounds me
he was holding his dick in one hand and my boob in the other and i looked down and thought, this is my life
Blew a line and having a jolly rancher... the day is looking up.
yeah a little bit of me felt bad about it. But the rest of me was having sex with him.
How is it that you get into at least one taco related fight a year?
Note to self: semen does not count as food to take medicine with
I accidentally KO'd a baby in the airport. Thought you should know.
Yeah! I was just fired because there was an over hire and the new girl is hotter than me. Seeing as how the new girl is my baby sister I think punching my manager is excusable.
My bra is still on the porch...I'm leaving it as a reminder to get my shit together.
I wanna fuck that hideous moustache right off your face. get the confetti ready for the festivities
I just smoked by myself in my childhood bedroom, how happy does it seem I am to be home for Christmas?
So, got kind of drunk last night, made out with some guy, and somehow stole his credit card. Don't even know.
I'm still depressed that I forgot my ice cream at your place
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
Randomize
