listening to techno makes your hand move faster while masterbating
At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
An attempt at squeezing a tomato to make a bloody mary just says desperation all over it....
He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.
"It's not a date, we're just spending the entire day at a concert and then getting high together." Awesome.
You have found the Promised Land of friend zones
He's practically not my boyfriend anymore. So let's go get some glitter, balloons, alcohol and forget this night ever happened.
We should. Taco Bell definitely gives me the shits though.
It's girls night. No shame, just febreeze
I've needed to start drinking protein shakes to keep up with her. It's like my dick just started doing crossfit.
I don't particularly remember setting a firecracker off in my hand. No more tequila.
Dude I bought tampons with cardboard applicators by accident and now I know my vagina hates the 1960s
I just my had my first cup of coffee in a week. I think I might orgasm.
Oh, and Harry Potter. We could be fuck-and-Harry-Potter buddies.
Please tell me im imagining that i claimed that i was king of the ducks.
I am mentally ready for anal.
Thus began an intricate shell game of nude cardigan photos
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