That's what you get for not wearing a bra and jumping on a trampoline
You covered in salsa con queso would take care of all of my cravings right now
Bring mistletoe to the strip club, and they feel obligated. they dont even charge you
i walked into the first stall,, but there was no paper, so i'm in the other one. a little kid is in the one without paper now and is making a lot of noise. curious how this'll turn out for him.
I turned down free cocaine. I both respect and regret and that decision.
I wish i could 80s montage me losing weight
Wow thanks 4 throwing jello at me an yelling who invited that guy to all the guys at the bar
I'm pretty sure getting a blow job behind a bar in Rome while her little sister is throwing up in a dumpster not 5 feet away, gives entirely new meaning to the phrase "When in Rome"
You can drink as much as you want but it's not gunna make her forehead any smaller
I was hoping it might at least fix her teeth
If sitting in the car passing a flask back and forth because the bar we go to is having some power issues on Christmas eve isn't Christmas spirit, then I don't know is.
Had a grope session with a girl who looked like my Mom and had the same name as her as well. I think therapy is in order.
I'm about to smoke a joint alone, do you want to FaceTime and pretend you're smoking it too?
he just cleaned his wound with pinnacle whipped
Remember when we tried to have fun last time..? I got put in a choke hold and you woke up in some ones car.
I need my comforter. Pls bring it to me and drape me in it like an animal pelt. Ps I'm naked.
Randomize
