normally I beat off every night before I go to bed even though my little brother sleeps in the same room. So I was starting to last night, and he jumped out of bed and said "Fuck, Im not listening to this shit again" We havent talked since. fuck me
He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
i think the cat found all the blow we lost...
me and this guy in my office just exchanged an "i saw you at a drag show last night" look as he passed by my desk.
i was taking the test and had to adjust my boner and my teacher thought i was cheating or something
Pre-order weed for 4/20 and i'll give you a discount.
im eating kix cereal and taking shots by myself. please come hang out with me. im desperate
The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.
I will not fill you in on the details until we get back, so do not ask. I got peed on by the girl I was hooking up with last night.
Um...It has come to my attention that I may have said some rather vulgar things about Sean Connery to you and anyone listening last night, so...I apologize for that. I meant the things I said. But still. Sorry.
Now I can't unsee my hot boss's under-boobs. Monday will be awkward.
Pics or STFU
Perfect. Let's do that. I'm thinking everclear and green dye as our base. We shud start from there
Drinking Patron always ends with me puking or receiving anal. So make your move when I start ordering it.
To keep it classy I will take a pregnacy test on Mother's Day
Am i obligated to tell my sister her girlfriend was my one night stand three months ago?
Randomize
