Drinking Grey Goose on the toilet. Don't make me graduate.
She started licking your face, then you turned to me and said "I guess thats my cue", and you proceeded to hook up with her.
Also, my phone autocorrects ENABLER to all caps. I think I drunk text the word too often.
I pulled my bra out of my dress and handed it to my mom..at cocktail hour during the wedding.
We're pregaming our midterms. Also, when we get our tests back, we're taking a shot for every point we lost. If you're not in, you should just go ahead and transfer.
his face was nice enough, but his choice of footwear screamed columbian drug lord
She took one look at my hardon and said, "You have a dick built for anal."
That wasn't a compliment.
Have bite marks on my arm where my temporary tat was Saturday night. Did someone try to bite Captain America or something?
One of the many mysteries surrounding the weekend...
Just remembered I said your cat looked delicious last night.
you wouldn't let anybody come in after ten. everybody was standing outside and you just yelled "BEING PUNCTUAL IS IMPORTANT" and slammed the door. i dont think you should be allowed to have parties anymore
it concerns me that i was already that drunk at 10
How'd your Tinder date go?
Well, I met his girlfriend...
Ive got small boobs, but they sure do like to pop out and party with the big dogs.
I have a hunchback of notre dame journal from when I was 6 wherein sits a diary entry that reads "saw liar liar today. Carrey's best yet" and that's all.
Where do you think black out memories go?
Into the dark abysmal abyss of the deepest, darkest part of your mind. It's obviously the bodies natural defense to protect you from witnessing the shit you do while actually blacked out.
I need to go to St. Louis more often. The brides sorority sisters were practically fighting over me once they heard I work on Wall St.
Randomize
