oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
The girl here has a popped collar. Can I slap her?
Yes. For all mankind please do.
Exactly. wat kind of friend would i be if i even pretended to give a shit about ur problems
My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
Get here now. This is going to be possibly my most dangerous idea ever, and I'm the guy who challenged a hobo to a breakdance fight.
They thought we spoke German and French even though we just kept repeating "I give to you a cat" and "Are you drunk?"
No one will ever love me with the amount of puke on my hand
Some might say its sad that I am willingly picking up a coke habit to be the skinniest bridesmaid... I think it shows my great dedication and proves I should have been maid of honor.
remember when I told you about my grandma asking me about my sex scars? Less comfortable than that
Why do you need me to cover for work?
I wouldn't say NEED but lets just say I smell like guacamole and semen.
I wish you could just Google "people I've had sex with" and they would all just come up
You full on peed your pants then resurrected yourself like Jesus Christ...
I remember 2 things. 1. Hanging through the window. 2. And she needing a bucket to puke in. That’s all. I have no other memory.
I just woke up in his bed.. in a cardboard castle, with a Justin Bieber poster on the ceiling staring down at me, cuddling with 4 empty PBR cans. I win.
It really hurts to walk. Any idea what happened to my hip?
Randomize
