Someone told me they could tell we were from cincinnati because we say "as fuck" after adjectives
I like the name aiden. he likes stella. I told him they're coming out of my vagina, and I will name them what I damn well please. Stella goes.
Well, I'm eating cake, watching wedding videos of people I don't know, and crying. Clearly I'm a vision of mental health today
You threw up on yourself, then proceeded to tell us "to not make a mess in your car"
I think he just caught a duck in mid flight
I swear to god there was like a 2-second timespan in which he went from laughing to coughing, hiccuping, and subsequently projectile vomiting into the grass. There is literally a line in the grass, about 2 yards long, of his puke. It was more impressive than disgusting to be honest. And then he just shrugged and said "I have no idea where that came from."
He stopped responding after the animal pictures... I do this EVERY TIME.
i stole nothing, broke nothing, and stabbed nothing. aren't you proud of me?
My boss just high fived me after finding out i made it through lunch rush rolling on molly. To think this guy used to terify me.
I also tried to solve my dog's itching problem with crystal healing. I'm so high, dude.
I just rubbed amethyst all over him and kept saying 'no bites.'
Dad just asked me to breathalyze grandma
Where are you? Your parents are here. Their flight got in early.
Trashy Tequila Tuesdays. Have them meet me here @ the bar.
I'm not sending your parents to see you drunk at a gay bar. What kind of boyfriend do you think I am?
A great one. Entertain them i'll be home soon....... I think
Taking out my recycling and 90% of it is alcohol and cat food. I am judging myself.
I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but yours is no longer the biggest penis I've seen. It is however, still the prettiest.
Slept on the bathroom floor again. I hope when I turn 28 I’ll stop doing that
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