I saved $70 from being to drunk to go out last night so I figured I could buy a new watch.
Sometimes I wonder why.. Then I realize I can't fool myself with that question bc we all know it's bc of his enormous dick
the best thing about long term relationship is that the fact that i bothered to shave my legs today counts as a valentines gift
Just made macaroni burritos. Fukkin awesome. We'll have to try this when I'm sober.,!
I want to die. Marc and I were making out in the hallway and fell into a fire hose in a glass case. It shattered everywhere. Everyone thought we fell out a window. I think I have glass in my back. Awesome.
You want anything?
Gatorade and you naked.
hey the jello shots wont freeze
How much Everclear did you put in them?
uhhh all of it
I look like shit btw. Like the joker from Batman.
I'm not sure how that's possible unless you put on face paint. Which I would respect.
I'm mailing you cans of corn and that's final.
Either of you know why the shower was on and the bathroom door wide open with no one in there at 6 in the morning?
AND HOLY SHIT FLUBBER IS ON NETFLIX
Are you serious?! She sent a pizza instead of showing up?!
She did indeed. Papa Johns. It helped because I was super hangry. That bitch is smart!
Its okay I found my bra. ...it was on your cat. I wont ask questions.
I don't have a cat..?
i don't care if you are my best friend. does not give you the right to describe how well my sister gives blowjobs.
how about your cousin?
Just made my first drink, took 2 sips feel like god
Randomize
