Get out...Run...Or there's going to be a dick in your mailbox
So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
Apparently he doesn't remember leaving the bar
If I spent $100 at the bar and didn't get laid I wouldn't want to remember anything either
all i remember is you climbed in a garbage can and said you were trashed
Umm I need a rain check. Long story short is I have scabies. Research it if you want. I'll tell you everything another time soon, I promise.
Only catch is you have to sleep in the same bed as me. But no worries, I plan on being in a random guys hotel room every night. So it's essentially yours.
I'm gonna eat you out with that hat on so it looks like beaker's doing it. And I'm gonna go "memememememe"
Idk but she keeps giving me s'mores and I'm having a hard time caring about her alcoholism because of it
Dude just bought the table 3 bottles of champaign and broke one on the floor as his "signature" and he makes me want this recession hit harder
I'm warming McDonald's pies on my heater cause I'm too high for the microwave.
We're making a scrapbook of dick pics, you want in or what?
Florida is balancing how much this place sucks with how many vodkas you can have to cope in order to still be allowed on the plane to leave
It's just really funny to hear them talk about March for Life when literally every single one of those girls has had an abortion
I skipped the handshake and went right for a dickshake I had him minutes after I saw him.
The party pretty much ended once she shit on the couch
Randomize
