Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
the chair was smiling at me in sociology and i had to try not to burst out laughing.
I'm gonna have bed sores at the end of this hangover.
the last thing i remember was trying to convince him to call over his girlfriend so we could have a threesome
I just realized I have my pepper spray, gun, and vibrator all in one drawer. One false grab and I'm screwed either way.
I told him he was my first gentile. He was so flattered.
My boobs grew. They knew we were going to vegas.
Let's just say my vagina is not superimpressed with the superintendent of schools.
I thanked her dad for "firing off a good one" when she was conceived. She said thats why he doesnt like me.
I think I reached some stage of aging, have a sore/injured shoulder from sex, next up carpal tunnel from sexting.
Well she just asked a sorority girl if she should fuck her floor mate so it's basically like the blind leading the blind
Then we woke up and they shouted "Emergency Vodka!!" and that's how we got redrunk.
It's one am and you're asking me if you should buy a plane ticket for a booty call.
OMFG. JUST WALKED IN ON A DUDE JERKING IT IN THE MCDONALDS BATHROOM
Stall or urinal?
OF COURSE I FUCKED HIM! Did you not read the part about him having red and green Christmas condoms?
Randomize
