I can hear my fat mexican neighbor yelling "do you like that!" ...I hope its not his dog
just skyped with my friend to listen in on the people talking shit about me in the library. creepy or strategic?
My niece just unknowingly cock blocked me. Obviously, someone won't be getting a christmas present this year.
I'm sitting next to some random guy in a gorilla suit drinking out of a bottle of vodka.
He's majoring in Religion
One of my students in my 8am class brought me a Tim Hortons cup with a bloody Mary in it. Clearly, I didn't manage to look not drunk when I ran into him at Denny's at 4am. Who decided to let me teach?
Aside from the slim chance of pregnancy, I'm gonna call last night a raging success.
Legitimately sent a work email with "Hey, you kids, get off my lawn" as the subject line.
Other than my penis smelling like an ashtray, it went really well.
Just realized my relationship wasn't even Facebook official and I'd already cheated on him. 'Shitty girlfriend' is an understatement.
I'm surprised I don't have a permanent face imprint between my boobs.
HE ASKED IF I HAD SIBLINGS WHEN I ASKED HIM TO LICK MY ASSHOLE
We got a lap dance! I touched a boob!
Just scratched my head and I basically rained glitter.
I got very very very high last night and bought a cotton candy machine on eBay
I REALLY NEED TO STOP CELEBRATING THAT FUCKING HOLIDAY
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