oh wait, my morality sensor is a little fucked up since I almost let my little sister's friend blow me.
you kept singing the copa cabana and saying HAVE A BANANA to random people on the street. you also went up to this poor short guy and hugged him while proceeding to yell I LOVE YOU CHILD MAN into his face. please tell me you're sober now
he had more hair on his balls then in my Easter basket
my dad just walked in on my jacking off and all he had to say was "I thought you were bigger than that".... thanks dad.
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I'm going to be blunt here. I don't actually care what you're doing tonight. I just need to know if I need to shave or not.
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
And then as he was trying to conceal his boner from everybody, you said aloud "just grab your cock and get out of the pool"
Just start grabbing cocks. It can't go wrong! Just say you thought you knew him and wanted to check.
I can't ever date him again. Whenever I see his face I just remember helplessly pissing myself in my car.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
State dependent memory. I just needed to feel my teeth. It was like a fog was lifted.
My dad told me I would need to be my mom's DD tonight. So, that's how my Easter weekend is going down.
I went to smoke a bowl and realized that my lighter is out and there's still frozen blueberries in my bong... I need to reevaluate my life...
While strippers were eating ones out of my boobs, several sources claimed trump shared classified info with the russians. We should get hammered on Mondays more often, bitch.
Is it disrespectful or patriotic to pole dance on an american flag pole?
We just fucked in the park on a bench and a guy with a dog walked past us and the dog walked right up to us while the guy stared at his phone.
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