I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
yeah it was kind of like, i'm 27 and still live in a frat house.. you honestly expect me to have "moral fiber" and a "conscience"
I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
I just realized I'm gonna get paid at midnight on New Years Eve. That could be dangerous.
just woke up to overhearing her on the phone saying "yeah we fucked last night, that makes 42." should i get tested?
well i fucked her too, so yes.
Breakfast=the leftover margarita in my car. Have a great day.
Me and your penis are best friends. You don't know it, but I whisper my secrets whenever I give you blowjobs. We even have a secret handshake. We can't be separated from each other. We just can't.
When i say that im working late and also have a paper to write before 9am tomorrow all i want u to respond is saying that ur gunna come over and sexually distract me from my responsibilities. Not a fucking frowny face.
Sorry. Im on my way.
Lube is flammable
Who is this??
You're not supposed to support this behaviour, btw the judge recognized me
Doc gave me something stronger than Xanax. The pills have your last name imprinted on them. This cannot be coincidence.
Its okay that he doesn't remember you, he only remembers girls by their boobs and I think you were wearing a jacket
My orifices are off limits as long as you have that stache. Your call.
Will you be super villain lesbian lovers with me for halloween?
He told me was "pretty like the wife in some movie where the husband is a cheater." I think I'm gonna fuck him.
Randomize
