the bus pole looks like a man who feels guiltyty about something
come downstairs quick. our boyfriends are having a dance off in nothing but their underwear and shoes. and they have semis too.
I told her I was team Edward. I haven't gotten laid that easy since I told your sister that I had cancer
I woke up with a Nike swoosh shaved into my chest hair. my friend got 3 stitches. my phone had a text that simply read "fuck you". I say it was a good party.
ALTON JUST DID GRAVY SHOTS. THIS IS WHY HE'S MY HERO
We're the only two others left at work. My internal monologue is going: TAKE ME. TAKE ME NOWW. ON THE COUNTER. IN FRONT OF THE MANAGER. JUST TAKE MEEE
You poured your drink on yourself and then said "it's not a party until I'm wet"
isnt this the same guy you hooked up with on his birthday and he then asked, "you were at me birthday?" the next time you were together?
I woke up spooning with a broom that someone taped a mustache too..i need to stop starting my nights by drinking "hangover" wine.
Halloween is the only night where I would ever end up getting a guy's makeup all over my face
I hate waking up Sunday morning and thinks "how many friends did I lose last night".... Normally it's between 1-5.
You're a Heat fan? You lose any chance blowjob bc of your poor choice.
All is fair in love and war and toga parties
I cried at the bar for 30 minutes because I got my arm stuck in my sweater. I got free drinks for the rest of the night after the bartender helped me.
it was all good until mid make out when he announced 'i just came'. ...he wasn't joking.
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