yeah that pretty much nipped itself in the bud when I realized i could see her whiteheads glowing in the blacklight
No, I'm not okay. Girls are wearing BUMPITS here.
I have a new drinking limit. I'll stop when I know I'm going to untag the picture that was just taken of me.
you threw up out the window, wiped your face with a twenty dollar bill, and threw that out the window too.
did we at least go back and get it?
how else do you think we got jack in the box...?
That's what you get for drunk dialing me to ask what kind of flowers I like while outside of a strip club, after telling me you "made it rain"
Our neighbors just passed us a blunt from their deck, and are hooking us up.
I just baked them cookies. We're friends now.
Yeah. He can't come because his mom found the pizza box under his bed with my underwear in it. He acted confused, guess because i forgot to tell him..
I thought it went well, but he just sent me a video of me sucking an icicle on the fire escape of his building with the caption "The ice got more than I did." Somehow I feel like I owe him a blowjob.
Haha yeah this costume is worse than I imagined. I look more like a gothic hooker who caters specifically to creepy men with doll fetishes
We have started to decorate penises.
They're having lesbian sex while I play super mario world. I hope they like the music
He told me that before I went to bed I needed to do my stretches and then processed to demonstrate a squat thrust, while completely naked.
And then I fed you egg rolls in bed as you were screaming I'm moving out
*swallows 40 gallons of heavy water and astral projects into buzzfeed* Top Ten Reasons Why I Am God
He's going to be in the air guitar championships in june. Need I say more.
Randomize
