TXT her NOW! The phone is actually IN her Va-Jay-Jay!!
I just saw a dog and thought "Hey! A goat!" Then realized it was a dog. Now I'm sad.
i went to toss her salad and she had a toilet paper clinger on one of the hairs
you guys are cousins why the FUCK are your pants off
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Day two of vacation and my first drink of the day is a plan b colada
the only sentence i could make out from her was "i will wash these herpes away"
At some point last night Lemondrops turned into me doing shots of vodka and eating sugar packets at the bar.
Dnt forget 40 tuesday,dress nice! Like job interview nice, like funeral nice, like a couple muhfuckas sittin on their lawn drinkin forties on a tuesday nice!
The feeling I get when I hear beer bottles clinking must be what children feel when they hear sleigh bells on Christmas Eve
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Literally got mad at him this morning because we didn't have time to have sex for a third time. I think I'm getting greedy.
No, you made a silk sheet toga and held up a dildo calling yourself "The Statue of Puberty". People made pilgrimages from the other party down the block to see you.
You spent like 10 minutes trying to hit a golf ball that was actually a cigarette butt. And then fell over.
Why am I cleaning the house twerking to anaconda wearing a bears jersey and helmet?
Eating breakfast at 1:30 in the afternoon stark naked is how everyone should live
You just sent me an audio message of you peeing. That’s true love right there.
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