1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
I just saw the dad from "Little People Big World" at the airport. I chased him down and congratulated him for beating the DUI.
good call on bringing her. it's always good to invite chicks who mix booze and prescription drugs.
i feel like i'm a professional at blowjobs i can deep throat an entire spatula
I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! Live in the flesh!
Being a responsible DD does not include attempting to coordinate a 4 taxi caravan to bar #3
I look at sleeping with him as a way to get up in the world. He will lead me on to bigger and better penises.
On a scale of your daily life to smuggling crack into the DR, how illegal is it?
Why would you fall asleep? This is why i cant drink with my lesbian friends anymore. They take my clothes off and get vodka in my top ramen. Only yoouuu can prevent forest fires.
I AM TEN TEQUIA SHOOTS ON AND I JUST SAW SOMEONE DO A BODY SHOT OFFF OF JESUS
THIS FEELS SO WROG AND OH SO RIGHT
I woke up at 4 am to a guy curled up in the fetal position sobbing in our front yard. Oh college.
And the 'kicked out of Xmas party' trophy goes to me. 3rd nomination, first win.
a victory without nudity is not really a victory
I wanted to give everyone gifts as they left the house... So when your wondering where most of the christmas ornaments are I'm really sorry.
I've realized that drinking at your apartment alone on a Tuesday probably isn't a good thing.
Randomize
