Dude WTF? His teammate just started talkin to me on fb! Am I walking around with a "I like to f**k gators" on my forehead?
No, it just says ur easy
is it wrong that i woudl like to tie u down to the baby changing station using the straps provided?
At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
no jill really. Evrything around me is talking to me. The plant, my dog, the tv,the lamp. Its amazing.
found a half eaten roll befind my toilet today. my birthday just keeps popping up.
It'll be a Christmas-Fucking-Miracle if we get through the ceremony without a groomsman vomming
yeah we're mixing orange juice, vodka, and rum and calling it Oj Simpson On Trial
I'm sure you're still partially crippled from thar blow job on Saturday, so I understand it's probably difficult to text.
I'm so hung over that I'm pretty sure I can feel the earth's rotations when I close my eyes.
I just shaved my pubes into a heart shape. if that doesn't scream romantic idk what does
The sex definitely would have been a perk. But not sitting in a ditch was what I was going for...
Can I get my morals surgically removed?
So the same great-aunt that told me to freeze my eggs for procreation just told me that I should strut around the dance floor b/c I'd get picked up.
I need to meet your family.
There are only a few things more freaky than wandering around a zoo drunk.
I get sad thinking about all the sex I’m missing out on because of the virus
I instituted “quarantine and chill” months ago. It’s not like penises go soft just because they’re working at home.
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