She is totally STD
Is it a bad omen that my phone auto corrects dtf to STD
so my phone autocorrects 'retard' to 'retaaahd'. i LOVE being a masshole!
Sorry for calling you a whore in front of your mom. World cup brings the worst out of me.
you know you made out with my sister while holding Ur girlfriends hand while she was puking in the toilet right
He told me he was in a Proactive commercial. It didn't seem to work for him but he was buying me shots so I slept with him anyways.
You called yourself Captain Aspirin and then tried to cure my headache by shoving pills up my nose. Fuck you becoming a nurse, you can't take care of me while you're drunk ever again. Ever.
He goes "sorry was at the gym. Some of us workout " and I wanted to text him back and go "well some of us do occasional drugs so we don't have to"
he sent me a pic of his dick and balls out with sunglasses over them like a face. i was at dinner.
do you still have it? i kinda want to see.
You know you're hung over when the glare from the cream cheese on your bagel is just too bright...
UGH FUCK THIS TRAFFIC I WANNA SUCK A DICK
I'm so hung over that I just tried to send you a screen shot of the cracked screen on my phone.
On a unprofessional note, there's a new girl in photo.
That wasn't unprofessional. The fact that I'm going to fuck her is unprofessional.
He stopped mid-fuck to explain his choice in pillows. HE WAS STILL IN ME!
Met a beautiful Irishman two nights in a row. I may never come back.
I'm so drunk I forgot what to do to go pee.
Randomize
