10 dollar pizza all the toppings you want. Wait Until You See This Pizza
if you were drunk and peed in your friend's washing maching, would you send an "i'm sorry" text or say nothing at all?
all hypothetical of course
the owner gave me a free bottle of vodka and a 12pack of red bull if i agreed to leave. my drunken antics are finally paying off.
We woke up under the ping pong table holding hands.
who were those guys at the table sniffing dryer sheets?
This spray tan I used isn't working out. I spent an hour exfoliating and rubbing the damn stuff in with rubber gloves. I wanted the alluring, sun-kissed, sexy look. I've achieved smelling like burnt popcorn and the cats won't stop licking me. I'm a salt lick for cats.
You know you're hung over when the glare from the cream cheese on your bagel is just too bright...
We played Rock Paper Scissors to see who would have to go down on the other person.
She had like a side ponytail and hoop earrings though. And legwarmers. Like a horrible 80s nightmare. Don't drink and dream, dude.
Well, you're 18 and dating a 28 year old. Who has a wife. Who isn't you. I would guess that's why your mom frowns upon the relationship.
NO HE PUT HIS HAND IN HIS PANTS BEFORE HE TOUCHED THE BONG.
ILLEGAL
Someone had to wrestle her in the chocolate pool, I'm glad I was man enough to step up and do it
Cover your peen. We're going out.
I knew how blacked out you were when you started doing that thing where you dance around and call yourself the Black Swan.
The smell of pee and coconut conditioner still makes me think of him
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