they were just spraying pledge on themselves and calling it lemon cologne.
He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
i just put all of my beerlympics medals into my academic awards box. i would say they are my greatest achievement since college.
Saying you want a bj does not count as saying you wanna see me btw.
You were competing with my dog to see who had the stronger bark....
I just woke up in bed, rolled over, and found a whole pizza.
this is the second day in a row.
Oh. Yeah. It's the same pizza then.
Congratulations, your dick has been selected to participate in my birthday sex. Please reply with a response.
Do I have a choice?
I am sorry, you're response was not recognized. Please try again.
Make me a sandwich
The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich.
I remember key bumps, porn and a mom in my bed. Sums up my day.
that is an amazing summary hahaha
So I pull up to an apartment complex and immediately felt like I was here to get stoned.
But college guys get to crossfade so there's that
No idea what that is
Like getting bent? When you drink and smoke together...
I'm 30 stop using your cool kids words
Settled one third of the tab. Am going back for sex. Love you, make friends
At the funeral we'll say nice things, like "She was delightfully extreme, psychotically wonderful, and could probably drink all you fuckers under the table."
That's literally the perfect eulogy
"Fwd: Nice to meet you last night thanks for the tit flash" no recollec. i am officially banned from wearing tube tops to the bar.
Did you at least know who's jizz it was?
That is questionable.
Randomize
