The 3 of us think it's time to start drinking.
3?
Me, myself and I
i now know how you feel when you have to walk me home. she ran into a streetlight and into garbage.
So I went to have a snack...can you please tell me why there's a condom in the hummus?
i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
He came in, laid on our floor and started to make a snow angel.. On the floor. Then he just left never said a word. 20 mins later walked back in and dropped his pants, looked down and said "wow im happy i had boxers on."
how did the keg end up in the top bunk?
The guy I wanted to make out with just got beat up, let's roll.
I've done nothing but whore my gay ex bf out for the past 48 hours. It's getting weird.
BRING ME THE PLAN B. ILL GIVE YOU A FREE WATER BOTTLE AND A BUMPER STICKER AND SOME BACON BITS
you were like "guys ... i think i got fingered while dancing tonight"
our poor poor cab driver
Again? Most people check out of hotels, they don't escape from them
Emergency. I brought a boy home and we fell asleep, but I just woke up to him peeing against my bedroom wall. So I brought him to the bathroom but he fell over and he's sleeping in the tub. Can I leave him there? Because that's what I've done.
Better the hardwood than the carpet, right?
The next time you invite me out to a bar full of cougars warn me first. I never felt like a piece of meat before.
I was not drunk enough for that final.
Did I just pee in the Taco Bell parking lot?
Yep. But do you remember wiping with my quesadilla?
Randomize
