She walked in the room and sighed really loudly fishing for attention. but I didn't bite cuz I don't give a fuck what's wrong with her.
he woke me up at 3 am to ask me where my plunger, a towel, and staples were. i'm afraid to go into my bathroom.
Am i fat?
Well i wouldnt let you on top
I'm kind of concerned that there are now two different videos of me with knives
rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover
You need to let me be on top sometimes. I gotta get rid of these love handles
just watched a cripple ollie in his wheelchair to get on to the elevated floor in the bar. I. LOVE. WISCONSIN
How did "just two beers for happy hour" turn into naked backyard wrestling?
I'm approaching homosexuality at an increasingly alarming rate with each break up.
She took the fish and put it in the hot tub, then turned on the jets. She said she was training it for the Olympics.
its the first football sunday and my boyfriend isn't excited. this isn't gonna last unless he makes me snacks and brings me beer during the game.
I don't think he cares about your inhospitable uterus.
Can I just keep holy water in the night stand next to the vibrator?
You just kept looking down at your tits and screaming "I LOVE YOU TWO!!!"
She sent me a thank you card for not fucking her boyfriend...
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