We're 3 acts into this drag show and we've already run out of Lady Gaga songs.
Not everyone can get ass. Some people are good at building rockets. You’re good at sleeping with many men. It’s an art.
would it be rude to tell a homeless man that he should sell the lebron jersey and brand new nikes he's wearing if he's really that hungry
Should I be alarmed that you're a regular enough at a bar to show up in sweatpants?
After he was done he gave me a case of landshark and tickets to tomorrows yankee game. This is the best nonrelationship ever
I'm hoping they send me home from work drunk.
Well, you know sobriety isn't something I like to do on the reg.
she pretty much pinned my hand to her boob "on accident" for like 10 seconds before she moved. Waiting the rest of the night was just a formality.
Brb crying the tears of my youth
How does a face ride mean we're back together?
You tried to stop drinking but then she started feeding you tequila with a spoon. You were like an adorable baby bird.
Has anyone heard from Jamie or has she actually just been having sex for 48 hours?
She called to tell me she just hooked up with my crush...and that he talked about me...not sure if I should be pissed or excited?
kick those bitches in the teeth and tell them mama came to party
Just FYI: if you happen to notice a liquid of some sort on my kitchen counter with an interesting color/ texture, don't taste it
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