He disabled his match.com account in front of me
can you please tell me why I'm bleeding so heavily from my ass and all my makeup is gone?
we've had sex 4 times and he still refers to me as 'the chick in my chem class'
I still can't believe he turned down that threesome with us in central park. He must be really committed.
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
OH MY GOD DO YOU REMEMBER WISHBONE? DO YOU REMEMBER THAT LITTLE BITCH? WHAT'S THE STORY WISHBONE
Just traded the drive-through guy at BK a Dos Equis for a Hershey pie before noon... win?
Dad says your scarf isnt fooling anyone and u look like a douchebag, its literally the perfect time to tell him your gay
Well would you like to come over anyway? I will be wearing sweatpants and disappointment. Also, I have Jack Daniels and I've managed to get drunk in under half an hour. But my boobs look awesome.
I just spent a solid 3 minutes trying to figure out how to send a smell through my phone
I mean your new thing is losing body parts and feeling colors so its not like we are hurting for entertainment
I believe you would have been proud of me last night.. I was chasin Fireball shots with Jack and Coke. Guess there's a reason they call me Whiskey Woman.
Ugh. The fucking vaginal recession is so real right now.
You know that voice that tells you to do something spontaneous after 1am? Don't listen to it.
I’m a go ahead and fuck down ATL. So when I leave in January I’ll have no regrets.
Randomize
