All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
If I were a boy, I'd name my penis Reptar.
I least I know I can't get pregnant because it's on my hair
Im like a co-bf. he pays for her birthday and christmas, but i get all the action.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Ive been sitting around naked watching magic on youtube.
So somehow I got from NYC to a suburban town in the middle of Jersey. At 4am. Thank god there are trains that can rectify my mistakes...
will you please explain to me as to why or how i have a dirtbike tread looking bruise on my back?
It Amazes me that I was able to drunk update my status in Spanish last night.
why the fuck are my pubes caked with bread crumbs?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
They left at like 4. I got up to help clean their house this morning and we found his pants. No ones heard from him, we're all a little scared.
You know you need to hit the gym when you're not strong enough to get the cork outta the wine bottle. And you know you're a drunk when that's the only motivation to do exercises
And I also succeeded in getting kicked out of a bar when I was drinking straight from the vodka bottle at our table.
i found waldo and immediately set him to work eating me out. please have more out of season costume parties.
He said when the pizza came I zip locked one slice and went to the couch and snuggled with it. Does that give you an idea of how my night was?
I’m going to lick a fucking door knob when this shit is all over
Probably Waffle House
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