I hate myself for knowing the words to party in the USA.
So I accidentally txted this girl with the same name as the one im seeing, as it turns out shes still dtf
and that's how I found out my dad doesn't believe in towels... holiday magic.
She was so happy she found her sunglasses, that she blew me. Im now randomly hiding things of hers in hopes she'll find them and I'll get a repeat performance.
For the amount I put out, I should be going on way more dates.
Can you call him, he said something about going to the balcony to pee and now hes texting me saying hes lost
asked the cab driver where he learned Swahili last night.
Ok, was I really fucked up or was there a chick from Norway in the ice cream shop teaching us Norwegian last night?
CHEMICAL ENGINEER. God my mom would be so proud of me.
Am I really that girl who walks around half naked wearing a cowboy hat begging for liquor at some random guys house
Just at the gym drinking. We call it treadmillcolada
I was so high I watched a 5 minute video of different scenes of horses running. The music was magical.
How the hell could he be confused. He had a naked girl running to him. I feel like he would enjoy that.
Oh man I wish I could've gotten a picture of how many anti-circumcision stickers are on this Prius
It wasn't my fault.
You let her suck your neck. Yes it was your fault.
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