he is a creepy guy.
yea thats what heroine does to ppl.
obviously my correlation between being a pro surfer and being extremely good in bed was 100% wrong.
Getting stoned and going to costco. If i'm not back by dawn, you know what to do.
Just did a kegstand with my dad. Happy fathers day.
It's like God was speaking to me through a penis.
Apparently I promised a worker at La Siesta free English lessons to make up for vomming all over the little Mariachi band.
He was the drug dealer that jumped out of his car to get my number
I'm going to look like a jackass in the Mexican newspaper tomorrow.
Uh no. you let me handle it. trust me: I can paint the Mona Lisa in tints of bitch.
well in the interest of full disclosure I have been using a used kfc spork as a buttscratcher for a month
So far today I've found 3.5 million dollars in savings. Pretty sure management is gonna start buying me hookers if getting laid has this much payoff
I think you just have to raise your bang age from 40 to 50, hope dust doesn't fly out and make her say tony danza
He overslept for our prescheduled morning sex. The fact that my vagina isn't enough to get him out of bed was the last straw.
I'm just imagining Oprah like "you're popping a boner, and you're popping a boner...EVERYONE IS POPPING A BONER"
Ugh im hungover from last night, and to top it all off, I think someone jacked my laptop.
umm ya, so we found it in the oven wrapped in a pillow case this morning
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