That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
you're putting all your eggs in a very hungover basket
"Worlds Wildest Videos" should be called "Crazy White People"
I drank mimosas and played bocce ball in the middle of finals week...now i know how Comm majors feel all the time.
In a tragic sexting typo, I typed the word "blobjob". Now she's coming over and I have no idea what I'm in for...
stumble upon led me to how to make wine in prison, followed by wedding dresses. it knows my life too well
He told me he doesn't dance and he hates drunken excitement. Why I ever thought it would work is beyond me.
Once I saw his penis, I knew I made the right choice
I'm pregaming before our pregaming dinner...with peanut butter and beer. I think I need to re-evaluate my budget...
Just the budget?
I'm just planning on experiencing Disney as adult style as it gets. Drinking bloody mary's at dawn and telling all the kids waiting in lines how badly their future sucks and that Santa isn't real.
So yeah never trust sex tips from yahoo answers
There is is 40 year old penis staring me in the face right now if there was ever a time to be a good friend its right now.
Just took a piss in some random bushes in a traffic jam and had to sprint back to the car. I'm a boss.
Bud... Did you mean to tweet a picture of your dick? If not just letting you know.
Woke up at noon, still drunk, naked, with another girl next to me. When she wakes up, I'm gonna have my SECOND lesbian experience with her. How's your 2015 going?
Randomize
