Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
i think blowjobs on the first date are perfectly acceptable. as long as you dont go dick to mouth.
I woke up and he had cut my bangs and put makeup on me.
I don't care how good they make you look, you've got to stop sleeping with gay guys.
Definitely almost got hit in the face with a baby
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i always knew that i'd have sex in your room, i just assumed it would be with you
This is like the time you took a picture of your knees and told him it was your tits, isn't it?
One day. I will touch his hair. I'm curious if it'll be like a soft cloud.
I'm just learned what a rim job is, I feel like crying
I just had to take a picture of someone whose testicles are bigger than my fists combined. Living the dream.
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Back. Waiting on Thong the shuttle bus driver. THONG
You might have been able to redeem yourself had you not referred to grandma as "this bitch".
That explains the hand print on my face. That old lady knows how to throw a punch.
She rode me like a jockey on that tiny couch. Then we spooned.
Morning! Got your 3am VM to remind you to get up for spin class and also confirm you were not murdered by the sketchy guy at brunch yesterday. So this is your literal and metaphorical wake up call.
We told him to puke in the Denny's parking lot or we wouldn't be his friend anymore. So he did. He wasn't even drunk.
Maybe I’ll just go to the party as myself
What, a homewrecker?
Touché
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