I am engaged
To a real live girl that has met me
I wish everyone walked around campus with a video of what they did this weekend above their heads.
Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
If your dick isn't up when i get home you're catching tonight.
Joe decreed the livingroom and the hallway up to the burn mark his kingdom. I think this is the point of 'stage an intervention'
I didn't know he had a girlfriend until after we had sex when he said, "Man I really gotta stop cheating on my girlfriend."
So you get idea of what my night was like, I woke up this morning and the back of my head was orange
I sliced my fucking arm open last night after margarita madness and had to drive myself to the ER. Got six stitches and a social worker came in and asked if I was abused due to my sex bruises. I literally had to tell her "don't worry, I like it rough"
All's fair in love and war. and tinder.
What's his name?? He crossfits 6 times a week, works in finance & is into the occasional felony class drug. His name is irrelevant in order to know if I wanna bone him again.
I think there is a legit party going on the place we thought was AA
I just scored a new eye doctor and a date all in one email. BOOM!
So this was during drunk golfing. She started wacking me off on the ninth hole and an old couple rolls up next to us. And Says "hey gu- oh my golly" and while my penis is in her hand I'm like "sorry you guys can play through"
I gave him morning sex, a bag of cookies, and dropped him off at work. I believe I deserve the "best hookup award."
Sex. Target parking lot. I really am the mayor.
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