he stopped mid-fuck to ask me how my day was....
last night this guy was hitting on me by showing me the famous people he had in his contacts on his cell... when he asked me if i knew lindsay lohan, i said "whose that? sounds asian"
no, didnt close...
What?! she made the first move and invited you back to her place. thats like striking out in t-ball pathetic...
You should have been there to see the look on her face when I told her that my dog gives better head than her. It was a beautiful symphony of shock, anger, and disbelief.
Apparantly 7 1/2 Vicodin is a 1/2 too many.
apparently dick flashing is a frowned upon sport here..... sorry girlfriends mom
But apparently I got kicked in the head by a stripper at some point
i would have thought, that you two being my best friends, one of you would have atleast tried to catch me before i hit the ground after blacking out.
he told her he was actually impressed that she had fucked more people in this house than the four dudes living in it.
Our lady landlord called. Dot worry, I handled it. Drunk. Tell her it was Nate. Done. Good. Bye. Drunk.
Kristy just reminded me that I have a bottle of champagne to lick off your ass hole...... This is by way of saying that we have plans on Friday.
Is she still in your room?
Not for long. My plan is to smoke her out like a small woodland creature.
I need to find another hobby that doesn't include being hungover.
If you can endure a laser on the butthole, you can endure a wax on the butthole. Those are words to live by.
I woke up, topless, my car was parked funny so I threw on my hoodieto go fix it and found a jello shot in my pocket. where did I go last night?!
Randomize
