the last time I saw her she was leaving the mens bathroom and club rush with her dress inside out. typical tease.
seriously this is one of those moments where im glad i dont really talk to or know the people i sleep with
Well said.
Fighting the police is like screwing a fat girl, if I'm drunk enough I'll do it
it was like fucking gandolphs beard
Went to my car this morning. Found a waffle from Waffle House in the front seat. No idea how it got there. So hung over I ate it.
I think one day, after evolution kicks in, my sons will thank me for having a 3rd ball. That's how much sex I'm having.
and you're not allowed to put a penis in you if it's attached to a 26 year old who works at blockbuster
Before attempting to fly away into the night you asked me to take care of your sister. I agreed.
Alive...but barely. Had dinner with my parents tonight which was conveniently located near where i left my car, phone, and self respect
There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
I can't believe I've come to a point in my life where sex for a birthday present is acceptable
I mean I'm into guys with money but more into guys I'm actually attracted to
yeah i guess i'd rather he was hot than rich
wow i don't know if that qualifies as growing up but if it does i'm all in
The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
So none of you told me my tits were popping out of my shirt for three hours?
We told you. Repeatedly. You said you made it look good.
Now I have to go back and sober fuck him. For science.
Randomize
