i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
You went to the wrong car, tried to open the locked door, and started crying because you thought we were playing a mean trick. Then the owner came...
I wonder what a non-hungover friday at work is like
almost passed out on the way to class today.. laid down in a construction site. bad idea
I'm so hungover all I can do is stare at my curser and hope it starts moving on its own
All you need to do now is invest in a Speedo and start going door to door.
Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun
Buy Actually if the police need to find my body I'm on an air mattress in an apartment near a McDonald's that's all I see out dat Window
So apparently when I'm drunk and want water I pant like a dog and expect to have water given to me..
she wanted me to tie her up with my playstation charger cord. i kept on hoping she wasn't a squirter. those cords r expensive. could have def been a Sony commercial tho
Did I leave the house with out a shirt or socks?
Yea, you said you didn't need them cause she was going to take them off anyways and that it would "save time".
I dropped her off at home and her fiancé was shitty, it was 4:30 am. I told him I was the Uber driver
I got laid two nights in a row
And none for Gretchen Wieners...
do you think there's enough of the fabric you gave me to make a crop top for a cat?
well you're talking to a woman who had glorious sex less than 24 hrs ago so my opinion is biased.
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