Last night I broke through a door, was hospitialized, arrested, and threw my shoe at a bouncer. This summer is gonna be fuckin sick.
are you just going to ignore any texts involving my penis from now on? because thats going to shut down a pretty sizeable portion of our conversations.
We were naked in his bed when he asked me "what should we do?"
yes, we have a friends with benefits thing. i found out he had never 69'd, done anal or had a threesome. i told him i was going to rock his world.
and what did he say?
there were no words. he looked like a kid on christmas morning.
Hey they cleaned all the blood out of the elevator. Also could you pick up some nachos?
Just put my hand under my pillow and found a peach ring. Lat night just came rushing back.
you can now officially say a girl has shaved your initials into her pubes. welcome to the club.
Are some dicks heavier than others? Random question as I'm feeling mine.
drunk caitlyn doesn't know how to work gmail. so know an email has been sent to the entire campus with a picture of me naked eating a bagel attached.
That and I was watching this life alert commercial and I'm pretty sure my liver turned up the volume for more information
He might not have any marketable talents, but the kid dry humps like no other.
Dude you spent 20 minutes on the phone with dominos answering machine trying to order a pizza
Last night at McDonalds, you lied across the counter, pulled up your shirt and yelled "BODY SHOTS"...
Any chance I can buy my dignity back with $45?
why am i naked
you took off your clothes at the party and some guy took them home
Randomize
