i just looked up and i was like omg ballsack and then i didnt know what to do
I had to put my glasses on last night to watch porn. SO getting lasik with my tax returns this year.
this text is just filler to avoid a lull in the conversation
I AM OVERLY HIGH AND OVERLY AWARE OF MY TONGUE IN MY MOUTH
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Beer coozy in the gym. Don't judge me.
I woke up on your bathroom floor, i used your towel I found laying on the floor as a cape to get to your bed. I thought it would help me walk straight if I looked like a superhero
Not drinking has really freed up a lot of my time. I made a bracelet yesterday. I miss bars.
He wore socks while I was giving him head. I couldn't even focus on his penis because of the socks.
Someone messaged me on POF and wished me a Happy International Women's Day. Why do I even bother anymore?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm going to make a stack of pancakes and fuck it. Right now.
The date did not go well. Turns out I once set her brother on fire.
Nah, i wasn't offended. Having a bridesmaid who you had had multiple threesomes with your future husband would be weird.
Question: anytime during the past week did I drunk dial you and give you full permission to grab my boobs? Cus I know I said it I just don't remember who I said it to...
Not only did I sleep with the guy but I think I may have called my work and quit to go work for him.
in mid sex he pointed out my great gatsby tattoo and we started discussing themes and metaphors from our fave fitzgerald novels
you need to stop fucking English majors
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