I cont stop tolking in a british axsent
fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
As far as classy things to do in front of your ex go, throwing up on your own shirt is not one of them.
hows the party?
ists fjcssing insceredle
be there in 10
There are fucking limits. Jerking another guy off in the bar toes the line.
Its fiiine, tuesday is like the thursday of wine wednesday. And i mean, free beer for girls at the grove...im not NOT gonna take that offer up!
Look at your life. Look at your choices.
Just watched my entire extended family eat salad out of the bowl i threw up in last night.
I'm not entirely sure that the guy that just texted me is not on drugs right now. I'm also not entirely sure that he isn't about to be incarcerated.
Pretty sure my idea of standards went out the window when I hooked up with a guy who had a rooster tattoo with an arrow pointing down to his no no bits. Think about it.
So everything was good he was big spoon I was little spoon and then I got peed on
A special kind of bond is formed between two people when they act as a pee shield for one another for drunken pisses in an alleyway
a guy just skateboarded past my window in a bunny suit while chased by a dog walker
Crying in Target on a display sofa is normal, right? Asking for a friend.
I'm eating animal crackers on my bed next to my vibrator writing about the hopelessness and depravity of humanity. I am LIVING.
Listen, you eat the donut. I eat you out. Everybody wins.
Randomize
