remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
I miss him.. What the hell did I get myself in to? I guess it will get better with time.
No. Just liquor. Time's no good.
You know how my eyes change color? Well I noticed after I hook up with someone my eyes are greener.
Wow, so you're like the Edward Cullen of sluts.
you're bored at work aren't you?
I'm toying with the idea of beating off under my desk
when does it stop being whiskey dick and start just being me bad in bed?
did you seriously make the punch out of vodka and food coloring
If you fuck her, Im going to call you and I want you to cough 2 times.
I am omw to AA Fellowship by the sea w Jenny and a stripper who just paid for our jetski with 85 $1 bills
The empty keg landed on my head. It's a good thing we already got shitfaced or i'd be a vegetable and the humor would be completely lost.
We need to do something soon. I need like 4,000 beers and a cigarette.
Nothing says love like couples STD testing
Nothing says breakup like the results
It's 2pm, and I just had to pass a guy in the turning lane because he was driving down Main Street in an electric wheelchair pulling a flatbed trailer with 2 of his buddies in it and they were all drunk holding beers.
You took motorboating me in public to a whole new level. You poured your beer down my top and LAPPED IT UP.
either he just commented on my nose ring or he's offering me cocaine, I honestly can't tell
Thanks for DJing my sex last night. You were on point 💜
Randomize
