I can tell how much and what I drank by my morning shits
my little brother got his license today.. too early to ask him to DD?
So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
i jsut waqnnna hugg thw crap outa sokme peoplee
I didn't want to have to tell you this, violating our brother/sister code not to discuss these things but: for the love of christ stop inviting that 21 year old idiot I slept with for six months to EVERY PARTY WE THROW.
You were telling the cab driver that you believe in him and just to follow his dreams
You turned byob into bring your own shit show. Good work.
I need to have some sort of hot sex experience in a mask.
Letting two friends screw at my place in exchange for weed. This is my life.
Jailed a totally belligerent hot guy. That was probably my most thorough pat down. Ever.
there's an entire drinking game devoted to nobody liking her face
I flashed the bar tender last night. Apparently I wanted a whiskey to go and that was the golden ticket. This is why I never come home
Just walked past the field playing Jesus music with a fanny pack full of condoms and beer. Happy Sunday.
You squatted and peed on the living room floor while maintaining eye contact with Sebastian
In other news, my ex fuck buddy is a surprisingly good wingman.
Randomize
