My favorite part of the day is the 2 seconds of ignorance you have when you first wake up. Right before you remember where your mouth was last night.
all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot
everyone who works at gamestop is basically destined to live with their parents for the rest of their lives... so i said no.
he said i took off my shirt and wrote "help HATI" on my tits, and charged people to motorboat me..... i'd like to say i woke up with 267$ in my purse
I just had a Brazilian done for this guy. He's getting first-date sex whether he wants it or not.
i decided i'll just settle for a gay guy who can manage to fuck me like the straight guys do. but here i go again, talking about my dream man.
The bartender cut me off so I peed in the corner. How no one noticed I have no idea.
A guy just walked down the street dressed as Mickey Mouse holding a 40oz. Where the hell did you leave me?
Alright fuck it. Alcoholic Jamie is back and here to stay.
This wedding is gonna be a disaster. I already had to turn down one of the groomsmen who offered me $100 to sleep with him next wknd.
Too low?
Yes.
So I fucked her. If you're keeping score at home, it's all tied up with horrible sex with someone I like and great sex with someone I hate both with 1.
Apparently love is stronger than SoCo
You told me my blanket felt like ground beef.
Just watched two people have sex in the pool. Hope you enjoy your yeast infection courtesy of the comfort inn.
Fucker was flying a Bruins flag. He can pick up the dog's poop himself.
Randomize
