Hes a 32 yr old divorced sailor that calls me almost every night drunk begging me to call him big daddy. I think i might need to change my number.
Dude, totally just found out that I've been washing my hair with semen for the past 3 weeks.
His second form of ID was an emergency room wristband from an hour ago. What the fuck is going on right now
Haha yeah he had an allergic reaction to the alcohol earlier. He thinks that if he only drinks vodka he will be ok...
It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
Well, I guess this was as good a night as any to find out I don't know how to use my fire extinguisher.
It's 9:30am and I've already blown three loads. Reason #101 I love 25 year old girls.
Dude, we took our shirts off and set our chest hair on fire. That's a low point.
You raise a valid concern
Upperdeckered the toilet. Took sombrero off, drawing too much heat. Witnessed glassing. In bush, come findme.
Walking through campus with a grocery bag full of pot brownies. I'm like the santa claus of 4/20
Double vision is so hot when a big dick is in sight. Thank you Bud Light.
He just showed up with a bottle of wild turkey a half a can of coke and some marshmallows yelling "gobble gobble bitches" my roommates hate my cousin
I just got three pairs of underwear free and a bathing suit for $20 by modeling them and letting the salesman grope me a bit.
It's great being a young gay man in Chicago!
That BJ in the bathroom was definitely worth the $20 cover.
I thought about mashed potatoes the whole way home
How did you tell her we met?
I told her that we met at the sex shop down the street, I thought it would be the most reasonable explanation.
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