There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
You tried to call the hospital and left a voicemail asking if you could be put on the liver transplant list as a "pre-caution"
Doing tuck and rolls down a stair case was not my brightest idea
It's like split custody, only he's not a kid and they have sex with him.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just don't know about this life anymore. Quite frankly I think I belong up there in the great blue, lounging on a cloud sippin tea with Jesus
And by "schedule" I meant crumbled up liquor store receipt, that I wrote shit on.
Just found weed in my belly button. Happy Saturday!
I immediately knew he was tripping, he came over with a grocery bag of snow balls and a bike helmet on and asked if I was prepared to die for my country.
Is it too early in the day to be getting dressed for the strip club?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Omg you can't vacuum salsa that's just ridiculous
I'm tired of the topic. I sent him a pic of my vagina to change it.
Are you sexting with minion stickers right now?
drunk snapchatting is the worst, because i woke up with great pictures of my tits saved to my memories and no idea who i sent them to
It was a fun night. I made out with the door guy at the gay bar but he didn't speak english
There was no door guy at the bar
I have to sleep with him. We're too much alike. It's like clash of the titans, except instead of clashing, he's putting it in me.
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