weak ass sauce last night. waste of time. you suck. ps. your boobs are fake
My mom just told me that after i turned eight i stopped growing mentally and emotionally
I'm currently imdbing Helena Bonham Carter to see if there are any pictures of her that don't scare the crap out of me.
Good luck with that.
life is no where near the amusement park it was when I was on Vicodin.
Well I'm 85-90% sure that he licked syrup off my body, but no guarantees...
I consider myself an expert at getting drunk and embarrassing people at weddings.
Disasters an understatement. Hurricane alpha chi omega hit. On my way to buy carpet cleaner, super glue, and a new liver. Be back soon.
ecstacy + fleshlight = not all that upset about being newly single anymore
Welcome to the south, dude. Gives the phrase "I wish you a dry ass" a new perspective.
When a bartender remarks "wow" on how quickly you've finished a drink... Is that good or bad?
I had to rub one out before the Shabbat dinner in case I find a nice Jewish girl to fuck me in the bathroom.
Your mother would be so proud
nope. just stoned. wishing i had a golf cart.
I'm honestly wondering if my vagina did something to offend the universe
That's Danny the boy who threw up in the Doritos bag
I just don't understand why we can't have sex in the house. I'll come see you but I'll have to think about the barn thing.
Randomize
