dude I went to cubs game with my mustache, aviators, and a hooded sweatshirt. Do you think it was irony or fate that there were four 17 year old girls in front of us?
i think blowjobs on the first date are perfectly acceptable. as long as you dont go dick to mouth.
i slept with her, drove her to her sisters house to babysit, and then drove around the block where i met her sister and had sex with her in my van. I'm family Friendly!
im calling her cock vulture from now on
My bed became a clown car for his family....I'm not ready to get married
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
Thank god crabs can't live on your head. Thank god.
I'm about to start putting my tampons in the microwave for a few seconds these plastics applicators and this weather don't mix
I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
Oh we were great hosts that night. We made sure to leave all the beds open by passing out on the bathroom floors instead.
that pic of me and the hulking football player sure does come in handy when creepy guys hit on me at the bar.
Do you know anyone else that comes home with unexplainable injuries as many nights a week as we do?
She pinched my nipples too hard I THINK THEYRE GONE
I TOLD YOU ABOUT GOTH CHICKS BRO. I WARNED YOU
just so it's not awkward when you get here, you and my dog have the same name.
Hahaha nice
just used my $120 dollar stats book for the first time to kill an ant... good thing i stole it
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