I wish that guy wasn't missing teeth
I'm not saying he's gay. Just that he prob knows what a dick tastes like
no i did not stop my best friend from eating out my sister...bros before hoes
So apparently when I was 2, I went around drinking everybody's beer at some wedding, then passed out in a corner....
This explains a lot.
i just packed a bowl on a big bird place mat and smoked it in a spaceship with a slide. i love babysitting.
This bowl of cereal would be the size of a giant's bowl-piece. It's. that. big.
How much did you smoke??
siamese drinking twins saturday is a go ... bring duct tape.
High gym went like this: I went to Dairy Queen instead.
I just had a fifteen minute conversation with a Raccoon by the garbage bin. I was feeding it chex mix.
It's George Washington's Birthday. Can you not put on some red white and blue and get really drunk for the original Merican??
I was sat at the table waiting with a glass of wine reading my book and the hotel staff gave me a goldfish in a bowl and said 'heres your date for the night' !
I just took a condom out of my purse and opened it in front of my entire family because I thought it was a wetnap. Way too hungover for family brunch.
I am drunkenly riding a razor scooter up and down the hills of Cincinnati
What in the fuck are you doing with your life
Your participation in the democratic process makes me horny AF
I don't know what that means but it's making me want to fuck you.
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