i just cleaned out my toilet because i knew that my head would be in it later
so he must've not known that your lastname is Came because everytime someone would say your name he would scream "NO SHE DIDNT" to the whole party. He must've not been too good then either.
Do you know how hard it is to masturbate with a runny nose?
My financial advisor pointed out that 37% of my income is currently going towards "non-essential food items"
That's banker lingo for "you're an alcoholic"
Bad idea. College students cannot afford both alcohol and a cat. Unless said cat is irish, and can feed itself with fifths of whisky.
After grabbing my boob for a couple minutes he then decides to ask me if I was awake.
People said that when they tried to talk to me I answered that there was a glass around my head stopping me from answering them
I remember trying to cut the power to a house I thought was "too bright to understand the meaning of christmas". Pretty sure I blacked out down the street.
Two dudes. Loud music. Dancing shirtless possibly naked. Why would I ever need cable?!
Come get me...we were walking home and she kept yelling "people need to get run over more!" then she just sat down in the middle of the street saying "it just feels right."
Not sure if you're still doing the whole "sleeping with only one person" thing but if you're not we should sleep together when I get back in town tonight.
Martha Stewart has had a one night stand and is unsure if she's had a threesome. I no longer feel slutty.
School starts Thursday. Don't fling yourself out of the car to throw up screaming "classy" before I park this time.
It's a new year.
I tried to light my cup as a bong. I'm done drinking
i woke up on someones kitchen floor, and i used the gps in my phone to find my way home. im really glad you forgot about me.
Randomize
