So it's like pop-o-matic trouble, but with penises
I'm gonna die fat and alone and all they will find is pizza crusts
I have no idea what i drank..i remember dancing and ass grabbing..u falling. Headbutts. Trying not to puke. And deja vu.
his electricity got shut off. i felt like a pilgrim searching for his dick.
Every perfect package comes with a warning label.
the only human I can compare her to is rosie o'donnell.
using smirnoff bottles as a pillow actually isnt as uncomfortable as you would think
I want a coyote to ride back and forth to the bathroom because walking is getting old
Sorry blacked out and lost my phone. Judging by the looks of my body I fought a cat and fell into a bush.
Once you've seen a girl stick a snake in her snatch normal stuff seems like Barney and friends
She has "Massive Shits" listed as a turn off. That's very specific and there's a story behind it I bet.
Sweet, got a date tomorrow night
I really want some funfetti cake but I feel like its more socially acceptable to go out and drink
No I did a yoga dvd and hit my ex up via email for some pot in exchange for his mail.
Every text my dad sends me is an AA mantra. Might be time to take a look at my life.
maybe i should limp back to therapy...
oh yeah will you also bring home vodka i wanna do shots on the roof
Randomize
