yeah my walk of shame consisted of driving on the wrong side of the road at 6am still drunk with cum drying in my hair and left eye.
I told her I had to go to work this morning, got fully dressed in a suit, walked her out, drove around the block, parked, and walked right back in my apt and went back to sleep..
And then he used the flashlight app to illuminate me giving him head. Thanks IPhone
I saw your arrest video on youtube. you look so thin!
I woke up spooning my guard tube. Tell me I'm not the most dedicated lifeguard ever
He managed to scream "cowabunga bitch" before he went down on me. Let me know if you still like him.
stuck in the elevator with that hot guy from the 3rd flood. Worried he can smell my spray tan and desperation
we started the countdown to drunken sledding this weekend.
I made this pact with my vagina, though. No more heartless fuckery.
Those two lesbians inspired me. A whole new way to roll. Fuck shots. Gallons of vodka is the new tequila.
I haven't been this unsober in a long time. I feel like I am observing myself. Like I am a test subject for alcohol. I wish my brain would shut up and let me be a normal drunk.
Crowning achievement. I bought ranch dressing and emergency contraception.
you told me I was being patronizing because I didn't want you to run barefoot across a construction site
IM HAMMERED AND JUST HAD CHEESECAKE THAT MADE ME FEEL LIKE NO MAN HAS EVER MADE BE FEEL BEFORE.
I need to leave my mind and my stupid vagina are having fight over who's right
Randomize
