Dontating $10 to the Red Cross relief effort in Japan for every car bomb I take tomorrow. Yes, buying me a drink just became a good cause.
When else am I ever going to have a chance to do lines with T-Pain?
Completely smashed, masturbating to the view of the ocean. Family vacations are more tolerable than I thought
a 6'8" white kid in a Lin jersey just wandered out of my gay kid brother's room. when does spring break end, again?
You know it is an interesting night when the 911 operator calls you
I have decided that today will be all about indulgence and hedonism.
I'm not entirely sure how getting 'house drunk' turned into us getting trashed, being serenaded by karaoke and going out. But it needs to happen again.
I rather not break my neck. It's hard to look sexy with a neck cast.
Please don't tell me that blonde guys name is Matthew I won't be able to fuck a guy with my brothers name
I guess there's no delicate way to say "I'm 90% sure I sucked his dick in the bathroom of the bar."
I snuck out of his room and his roommate stopped me to tell me there was a condom stuck to my back
I say camping because "let's go get hammered in the woods" sounds kinda fucking weird to be honest.
Paycheck hits in 37 minutes and I literally just emptied my handle of Tito's. If that isn't budgeting like a fucking adult, I don't know what is.
I made a booty call at 3:30 am on a Monday... I think I just became the ultimate female fuckboy. I don't know whether to be ashamed or get myself a trophy.
I'm trying to imagine how upset he was when he realized that he had been cockblocked by a picture of a sloth and I am drawing indescribable pleasure from it.
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