my vag is so smooth its legendary
so I finished the entire bottle...next thing I know, it's 8 am and I wake up on the fucking beach in the low tide with a family standing about 30 feet from me just staring.
She's echoing.. Her head must be in the toilet..
Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
Things you do not want to hear after sex: I almost lost my gum in your pussy. Really dude, don't share that with me!
Haha no we did it on his bed. Then rolled off into the bean bag. It was a strangely athletic performance on my behalf.
I know this is super early in advance but can I borrow your horse mask on 4/20
okay yeah but you've seen me eat jambalaya naked
If you send me another picture of a donut on your penis while I'm at work, I may have to slap you With the donut.
I hope a pyrotechnic goes off in your asshole and seals it shut for life.
Me too.
In the officer's defense, I was indeed pantless at the time he cuffed me, but there's a perfectly good explanation.
Just almost drowned myself in the shower again. I need an adult.
I was not drunk enough for that final.
And our sex soundtracks thus far have been metal and Star Wars
I told him I hooked up with his best friend. And then he ate me out. I'm just THAT GOOD.
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