my mouth tastes like poor choices
no, there's no challenge. I live a humble lifestyle out of virtue.
You wear Armani Exchange.
Dude I was fucking my girl on the couch and her dog came up and licked my balls. Does that mean we just had a threesome?
we weren't quite sure what was on that mirror, so we snorted it and hoped for the best
She wants to have naked weekends
They call that free range vagina in France
If you end up at a gay bar on a tuesday night in steelers pjs, does that mean youve hit rock bottom?
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
We were so hungover we fell asleep in Goodyear waiting for them to fix her car. At 4 in the afternoon on a Sunday. The workers apparently didnt want to vacuum because they didn't want to wake us.
When he was going down on me I referred to him as "Lord Snow" and HE GOT IT. HE GOT THE GAME OF THRONES REFERENCE. I AM IN LOVE
Well my unnaturally hairy chest finally came in handy. It took at least an hour to shave the american flag into my chest but I definitely went America all over that party
I sense lesbianism
That's a weird power
His truck was very sexy. Unfortunately, shortly thereafter, I discovered that the whole overcompensating thing is very true...
We had sex then laid in his bed eating chocolate and drinking juice boxes. I think I'm going to keep him around.
If I wanna spend the whole night tied up and getting railed I'm allowed to do so
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