so I just used the H1N1 mask my mom gave me for college to hold in a bong hit longer... god I love orientation week
Reason #84 I'm on my way to becoming a crazy cat lady: I called the police last night because I heard a noise and the cats were acting funny like they were trying to tell me something. The 3rd time the dispatcher repeated "the cats are acting funny?" I yelled and told her to have an officer ask the cats what happened.
Just shaved my legs with toilet water in a walgreens bathroom. I am so classy.
jacking off on stolen wireless... gotta enjoy the small things in life
He threw up. He never throws up. It was like finding out superman cant fly anymore. I was so sad for him.
Just found a pic on my phone of you on squatting on the hood of a police car about to take a dump. Care to explain what happened last night?
If I can't get slightly excited by the thought of his face between my legs then I know I can never sleep with him.
Does taking an old homeless guy to the strip club, buying him lap dances, and calling him pops all night count as a good deed???
Our DD has become famous. Strippers are asking to be handcuffed to him.
Dear Jesus. Send me strength to not suck cock this morning.
Sent nudes to my best friend's boyfriend and mom last night. So I'm coping with that on top of my hangover this morning
Apparently we stole a dog last night. I woke up and it was just staring at me. But we fed it left over KFC for breakfast so it's cool.
I'm making poor life decisions again. Tune in tomorrow to see how much I hate life.
My entire news feed is ice bucket challenges. I wish there was a hide from feed button like FarmVille
Best part though was when he wanted to cuddle and I was like, I'm going to go.
Randomize
