so i just saw your dad embarking upon a biking journey in full reflective gear
...this stays between you and me
I figure if he loans me money i only owe him sex for the rest of the summer before i pay him back, right?
a chick just tried to cover her fart by sneezing. it didn't work
dude smells like cheese burgers and loose women...... i want his life
I don't think I can fit "I'm sorry for ruining Christmas" on one cake. Better make two.
You're having sex and i just smoked and made oatmeal...i'll give you some time to be jealous
If you dedicate your next bite to me, I'll dedicate my first orgasm to you.
Walk of Shame time yet?
Dude she's 6"2, blonde and on the cheerleading team. I look like Seth Rogen's fatter, unfunny brother. What shame am I supposed to be feeling?
We're having the conversation about what happened last night, all we can come up with is that we came home, drank two litres of lemonade, I took one of her seizure pills and we fell asleep with sabrina the teenage witch on
i dont want to stoop that low. but my dick does.
I head back to the dorms in less than a week I'm not ready to see my roomate naked that much again.
dude, you were feeling up her boob for 20 minutes in front of the guy she was hitting on because you and her had an argument over who had bigger boobs.
hey man, it was for science okay.
Very excited! Vodka will be shot, dicks will be ridden, and memories made.
Vodka?
Forever.
The best part about this city is obvious. Someone saw me crouching by a bar pissing in my leftover Panera bread bowl and they just winked.
Dead. I am actually dead. Also, worst nightmare confirmed: throwing up in a four hundred person lecture.
Randomize
