When I went to court, my judge's name was Honorable Ball. I couldn't stop laughing.
that probably didn't help your case.
so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
I hate it when I can only see straight when I close one eye. I feel like that deserts the purpose of seeing with two eyes
Talking to this girl is like playing minesweeper on hard. There's red flags everywhere.
I'm so high I just tried to eat a hair tie thinking it was one of my pretzels.
He told me he was a psychology major, and I responded by asking him where he hid his vagina.
oh my god. the driver of our party bus just said "no drugs unless you're sharin," my confidence in him is not high at the moment
I knew it would get worse when I said I think your roommate is watching and he looked over at him and said ... So?
I DON'T WANT TO DEMONSTRATE MY DICK TAKING ABILITIES WITH MY MOM THERE.
That basically sounds like the worst party of my life, and I'm including my brother's World of Warcraft themed birthday party.
His girlfriends signaled their approval by pulling me off of him and in turn making out with me. I think I will hang out with this group more often
She said she wouldn't get out of hand. When the cops showed up she jumped off the 4ft high porch and fell into a ditch. She then buried herself because she was wearing light pants and though the light from the cops flashlights would reflect off her pants. We couldn't find her for 40 minutes.
The porch is breathing.
STAY OUT OF MY SHROOMS YOU CUNT
Handcuffs. Recoverd. I'm a goddamn detective.
Will you still call me Bond when I'm sober?
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