WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!!
LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops!
you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
He literally didn't stop until I lost count of how many times he made me orgasm. It took three hours.
during a bj, his alarm went off and he said "At the buzzer"
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As i was blowing him Silent Night came on his iTunes. I said "it isn't christmas" and he moans "yeah it is."
i think they forgot i was still in the room... she grabbed his balls and said "i feel a fire coming on".
Well see how he likes it when I randomly start crying and saying my dads name during sex I WILL RUIN ALL HIS FUTURE BONERS
I took in his dog. My exboyfriend still calls me for 2 things, blow jobs and animal rescue. I need to end this cycle
Just found a condom on my floor from last weekend. 2/2. The scavenger hunt is over.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Soggy bong water carpet is the worst kind of carpet.
Meanwhile I'm googling glory holes in Vegas
I need an office. I have big plans. I'm learning spanish this month.
I almost forgot to feel shameful, if that answers your question.
I have to tell him to stop eating me out so I'm not late for work; my life could be a lot worse.
Why didn't we pregame for this?
Because it's breakfast!?!
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