my throat hurts so bad i feel like i just gave head to a cactus.
Would it be too much if i wore depends to new moon so i dont miss any of it?
you made your cat watch a peta video with you, so you could show it how just how good its life is
did the walk of shame through a baseball field. .A little league game was going on. Proceeded to buy a hot dog at the concession stand. the looks were priceless.
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Then he took his girlfriend's fuzzy handcuffs and locked me to their bed. Key is in an unknown location. He's surprisingly idiotic, for being premed.
Fell down a spiral staircase. Et tu vodka. Et tu.
We both bought three foot bongs...going to race to see who can smoke a mile first.
just found out I caught the bouquet at the wedding. I win for being the drunkest yet most functional bridesmaid.
I woke up at 4 am. Literally pissed. No idea what happened. I could have fucked a cow.
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If you really loved me, you'd support my weed habit.
As the person who squeezed you out of my vagina, the answer is no.
I was basically just fingering myself and thinking about space.
You licked my eyeball, you are officially cut off. If you just missed you can have a second chance on Friday.
He asked me to come stay with him so he could "see that ass and watch Harry Potter."
I thought I was really making her scream. Turns out she had a Lego jammed in her lower back.
Looks like taco salad for lunch. I may have died and gone to be better circle in hell than I thought.
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