ya ever know whats down there. always send some fingers in first to scout the situation. fingers are not used for pleasure. they're used for covert missions.
i was high and broke so i stole a roast chicken and a 40 inch sheet cake from wegmans and ate in a bathroom stall.
i think the fact that he graduated high school the year i graduated elementary school is sexy.
Its like the long john silvers of colleges, I wouldnt even go there to use the bathroom
And why did 3 people fail to stop me from literally getting a piggy back ride from the bar to his apartment?!
sometimes when i'm drunk i choose the spanish option on the ATM to challenge myself.
oh awks just saw the head of medical staff who I punched the bottle of wine at
I went to a bar in my pajamas last night. I'll be there again tonight in a wolf costume.
I thought it was a drawer and tried to pull it out and it wasnt a drawer it was the police call button. I hate everything.
Being hungover in this office is the actual worst. Like they look at me and know I was wasted at 1 am, karaokeing Billy Idol at a gay bar.
Long story short if you're going to get drunk on a sailboat at night leave your phone in the car.
Step 1: Buy a house Step 2: Turn bedroom into sex dungeon
So I slept with some guy last night and when I woke up in the am couldnt remember his name. I text him n asked "How do you spell your name?" to try n find out and all he replied was "With an A." WTF!?
I woke up on the couch screaming in pain. I don't know how ended up there or why my foot was double the size. all I know is I'm now in a cast and never drinking tequila again. worst hangover ever.
I have decided that I would still fuck Harrison Ford even though he is old as fuck now. Do you think it would kill him?
Most likely. But I bet he'd do a bang up job of it before he died.
He absolutely would.
Randomize
