We're like a lot better than the average bears
Just whacked off in the middle of writing a paper, gave me great ideas. Note, should do this more often.
I'm going to get so drunk tonight, I actually feel bad about the 30 seconds of drunken awkward sex I'm going to have with one lucky fat chick.
Ok, so for future reference, in Rome, "piano bar" means "brothel".
she pinky promised me she was 18
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
I just scratched behind my ear and found icing. Fuck you.
That's so unfortunate for him bc you can always find another penis, but he's stuck with it
I'm trying on my bridesmaid dress so that I can determine what will need to be done to achieve getting fucked while wearing it.
hey your mom heard me say to her " That right your not going to Shit right for a month"
Come get your boy. He's cuddling with a bag of rice on the floor.
Hot dogs and hydrocodine is NOT the combo of champions
Is it wrong that I want to do a nude photo shoot with nothing but a light saber?
this is the second day the intern has gotten me coffee. he either wants to bang me or thinks I'm more important than I am.
either way he's in for disappointment
Like I blink, and he's face first in my vagina.
Randomize
