if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
my mom just found my bong and asked what it was. I told her it was a hookah
and she bought it?!?
yeah...but her friends at work told her hookah was fun and now she wants to smoke it with me...im thinkin yes
you'll never believe how fucking awesome rain man is when you're stoned.
it was like weight watchers had a halloween party.
im spending all my christmas money on new years parafanalia aka things I will ingest or lose by the next morning
this study room smells like vodka
the study room thinks the same about you
We stopped her at 12
12 shots? Or 12 midnight?
Which answer would freak you out less
Oh, I made pasta salad in the throw up bowl. I hope you don't need that for the next few days.
yea, their son has been arrested on more than one occassion, their daughter is pregnant and their other daughter graduated but she was adopted, so clearly genes are everything.
Meeting relatives from another state drenched in tequila and smelling of weed. I'm gonna kill you for soaking the only bra I brought in Jose Cuervo Gold.
Listen, unless you want to spend your birthday in a trunk, you better invite me
Dude chill patience is a virtue.
WHY DOES PATIENCE HAVE TO BE A VIRTUE, WHY CAN'T HURRY THE FUCK UP BE A VIRTUE?
Yeahh. im on the phone with him drunk. he told me he found a pigeon in a cardboard box and named it quincy...
I want you to defile me in my childhood bed.
I’ll call you in a minute. Trying to book an AirBnB so I can finally bang the yummy guy from yoga
Your downward dog is going to rock his cock. I’m jealous
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