Update from family reunion: my aunt Janet once got her legs stuck behind her head. The fire department had to be called.
I told him to go down on me and when he did he started crying!! I asked him why and he said my vag looked just like his ex girlfriends!!!
Would you even take no as an answer? I have a feeling you see it more as a challenge.
It just wouldn't be valentines day if i didn't invite 90% of the guys i've slept with to go to the strip club with me
Just got arrested in my crocs and rolled up pants with a mr rogers sweater for literally fucking nothing can u come get me?
somebody went from crying while watching Full House, to a full on emotional raging bull...I love this time of the month
I do not mind being torn from the first touches of sleep to see a man who looks like that
I'm permanently fucked. Every liquid I put into my mouth automatically tastes like fireball.
The dysfunction is strong in this one.
You can cuddle me. Word on the street is my ass is ridiculous.
Nothing cures your heart after a boy calling you unattractive than a big fat dick
Not drinking until my bday. I know it's only a few days but it feels like when couples get celibate before the wedding and there's all that tension.
Sorry I threw up all over your Lyft.
It's ok I woke up next to a dumpster.
You started singing Baby Shark, screamed you have no idea how it goes, then somehow turned the beat into Bohemian Rhapsody
I just learned that I could drop out of school and spend the rest of my savings on a giraffe are you free this weekend
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