last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
i'm in his bathroom *freshening up* and he not only has a hairdryer... but a straightener. get me out of here... NOW
I love how you send me nude pics of girls you're fucking and name them by which city they're in instead of their name. "This is Nashville, this is Tupelo, this is Jackson..."
As soon as the judge read that I rear ended the car from getting roadhead he chuckled. You know he's been there before.
Thanks for putting the blue stuff in the toilet, it made me throwing up this morning more enjoyable.
I may have broken a few toes and my face hurts. I do know that I pissed the bed so at least I've got some closure there
Oh my god. I'm sorry if i peed on you last nite. I am truly disgusting
I'll probably just lay on my couch bra-less sipping wine out of a straw so I don't have to lift my head.
They poured beer (3 cans) down the toilet so bubbles can be drunk in fishy heaven
I'd do them all but honestly I'm so high that I probably should have a chaperone.
YOU CANT FOOL THE TOILET
too bad I'd hit a car before I'd hit a bush.
Are we talking about jumping from windows or your willingness to fuck a car instead of a woman?
he told me that I'm basically going to be the mom of the house when they move in...i like to see it as being a MILF without the responsibility of real children
I realized just how much my daughter is MINE when I heard her tell someone "Go shit yourself" yesterday.
How did the test come back?
I've never been so happy to have a yeast infection. And i got a free pack of birth control
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