U r making out with a 12 year old get ur shit together
mike has just informed me of all the things he would put in his pussy if he was a woman. this includes door stops, power drills & g.i. joes.
"and then my dad would be all like 'hey mike, where's the remote?'"
You were in the garage half naked counting your ribs and talking about how you had too many
he sounded really stupid. it was like his puke had a stutter, too.
I'm not sure how appropriate a drug deal is while at a wake.
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
Fixing to yell "you're too hot for her" at a Gerard butler look alike. There is absolutely no way this is going to end well...
I've never heard of anyone celebrating the holidays with a fuck buddies family before.
....I'll be expecting my trophy when I return.
They left at like 4. I got up to help clean their house this morning and we found his pants. No ones heard from him, we're all a little scared.
Definitely need to find a less healthy bootycalls. All this bitch got in her fridge is feta, English muffins and wheat grass. What the fuck can I make with that???
Found 2 Coors, problem solved.
He fed us edamame like baby birds. Slowly all coming back to me.
I just faked an orgasm while masturbating. Idk what exactly my problem is but I have one
It was 3 am when she drunkenly tried to deep-fry a banana.
How'd she do that?
He said his parents were apparently coming over to surprise him with breakfast and I’ve never gotten dressed and run out of the door that quickly. I have commitment issues.
We are taking a shrt nap on the sidewalk cme fine me if you want but dont wake me up
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