Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
is it sad that whenever i need to spell "independent" i still sing that one rap song?
Sorry you had to see that, but on the bright side...at least I trust you enough to have sex in front of you
she was using bread to soak up the vodka off the floor then proceeded to eat it.
Were making Christian mingle accounts. First one to get laid doesn't pay bar tabs for a month.
Challenge accepted. See you in hell.
He kept walking up to every girl at the party saying "Hi, I'm George Clooney. No I won't marry you." He left with three girls.
i woke up and found a picture of his grandma in my purse.. im a kelpto
If you can get her to make out with you without paying for it, I will personally make you president of the american lesbian league
So I was bartending last night and this guy w/ his gf said that he recognized me, so I asked him, "do you watch a lot of gay porn?"
Lets watch game of thrones and have sex every time someone is naked. It'll be like a drinking game but better.
But I did discover that he's totally okay with going down on me while I eat taco bell so that's a plus, right?
I'm upset for all the future generations who can't drunkenly get cheesy bread
SHE POOPED THE CONDOM WHOLE
wait. i have to tell u something. and it has nothing to do with dildos or spiders
Ah you cut my boxers off with scissors, we're way past introductions
Randomize
