she started talking about my kids
was she topless?
Hemmingway ran to paris to avoid going to the university of illinois and becoming a doctor. It was there he developed a drinking problem. I need a plane ticket.
My room should be renamed "Land of the Misfit Condoms."
man, work is way more interesting with these acid flashbacks.
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
The strippers from this weekend suck at words with friends
I would think I was a stalker too if I wasn't myself
The front desk girl just had that condescending welcome-home-from-your-walk-of-shame face on
It was probably because you set your bra on the couter while you found your ID...
Can I just say I love the fact that were in business with guys where I can write a hand job up hoes down text message
My last 2 google image searches were 'a lot of pudding' followed by 'a generous portion of pudding'
She unfriended me on Facebook after I responded to her long love note with #demtittesdoe. Jager is the goddamned devil.
I just had a twenty minute discussion about endangered breed dog breeding with an Extremely drunk guy
So many questions...
The nice lady at the neighborhood liquor store informs me that we have a new woman-run neighborhood sex shop. Jesus loves me and wants me to have a happy Valentine's day.
drunk boyfriend and drunk me are NOT meant for each other
It feels like heartburn in my lungs. I'll buy 2 pounds.
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