Dear __, it'd be a lot easier to fuck if you ever responded. So I'm throwing in the white towel, since I no longer know what you want. Sincerely, ___
He sang nursery rhymes to my vagina to get me to have sex with him..
Can't show you right now as we are in public and he refuses to let me photograph his penis in a bar.
If I had a quarter for every time I had sex in your bed while you were out of town, I would probably be a lot more willing to buy you new sheets. Hope you're having a nice vacation.
I can always make him wear a mask... I'll tell him it's a fetish.
I posted my balls on ericas instagram. It got 17 likes.
If you were a good friend you would take the nipple tassels off me before the ambulance comes.
All I know is that I woke up in a soccer players' dorm, and he said that I kept telling him my mouth was a "net for his balls" last night at the bar..
Plus he stuck it in when you were sleeping which would have been the tipping point for me but you art school kids are all liberal and shit
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
In other news I think my vagina is sunburnt
My ex is having a baby and I'm over here planning my dogs birthday celebration...
When is the party?
dude kate found out i cheated and busted in while i was taking a shit. I was cornered, nothing i could do
so drinking tonight?
Be there in 15
You're an adult now and it's your vagina. You should do what it or you wants.
don't take this the wrong way, but I'm not drunk but I need you to take me to the ER and you're the most likely to not be drunk now.
Randomize
