I could hear his roommate in the background imitating my sex sounds...
My dad just told the waiter to keep the pitchers coming until someone passes out.
Hey just to warn you theres a really fat guy passed out in front of our front door snoring. Don't touch him, he's in god's hands now.
for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.
I knew the night had taken a turn when we showed up and our flabongo was being chilled in the freezer.
Please delete that video of me blowing you. I will repay you with 100 blowjobs even better than the one I gave you during that video. Please. I am gonna be a grandma one day.
So I come home yesterday and my brother is like "watch this" and it turns out he's been retraining my dog to come running when u say "anal"
(540): I ran 10 miles and then took a dump behind a rock. What the fuck have you done with a hangover that's comparable?
Executive order 941: BRING ME THE FINEST PANCAKES!
You have got to stop watching the West Wing before going out.
We almost ended up sober because of u!!
From the bottom of my heart, thanks for never sending me unsolicited dick picks.
all im saying is 27 is too old to still be drinking 40s, you make more money than me, buy some decent shit
screw you you golddigging beer snob
Hahahaha. He sent me a dick snap in the lululemon stockroom. What is life. If this works out, this could benefit everyone....
Well now you know... If you can get over the awkward... The dick is 10 min away.
They don't really make a "hey I'm fucking your ex wife" card do they ?
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