Umm I'm too high to move.
I'm going to rise like a phoenix out of the drunken, shameful ashes that were last weekend.
Ima go for a jog. and I'm going to jog until I throw up a lung. then I'll crawl home.
PS: I just woke up from my shower
I don't know anybody that can get the cops to drive them back to the bar after being pulled out of a tree
it happenes
You called me last night and said you had a vision that a cat made you a sandwich. You were tripping way too hard
Started out playing table tennis then ended up fucking him on the table. Happy cinco de mayo
Before consuming her Waffle House she did a few deep breaths and cleared the table to "prepare herself for this"
Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.
Who says no to sex and donuts?!
She thinks you guys are the gods of the bathroom. If she runs past you naked, give me a heads up
I guess the weekly d&d orgies are treating you well
i said cake fell into my bra, you stood up and yelled "Im coming soldier", leaped acrossed the couch and started motorboating my boobs. i would have been cool with it if your mom didnt keep calling me the "lesbiainizer"
Can you confirm that you aren't dead?
Well, he was practically tripping over his dick to get to me so I'd say my new dress was successful
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