So she is eating her margarita with tortilla chips....like using her chip as a spoon
I wish I could tell you that the worst thing that happened last night was how he got thrown out of a stripclub for vomitting on the girl giving him a private lapdance. I wish I could tell you that and not be lying.
He is offering to pay me back by sending me a dick pic.
.......................................
My thoughts exactly.
I'm thinking we can stop tracking my sex life by the hotels I've hooked up in and instead use bar bathrooms I've gotten head in.
I woke up this morning next to a stack of saltines & a txt from u saying "do it." it took me a second to remember wat was going on
Sober me is really good at getting to the airport on time. Drunk me is really good at shitting my pants. Do you know how much pants cost at the airport????
theres a note on the fridge that says "guess what i peed in" and a half-full bottle of apple juice front and center. why did you let him in the house?
He expects to fuck my tits but will ignore me in public.
We were apparently using marine hand signals to communicate to one another where to meet up in the house to hook up.
Didn't even know I knew marine hand signals.
I fucked my ex boyfriend to get shrooms for you guys
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
If fixing it is ignoring it, and getting naked. Then yes we fixed it.
I never thought I would have to arrest my own parents on a sunday night
Well, at least you look pretty when you're disgusted
My new favorite word is dickbag. I think its relevant here. And I say that with all the love in the world.
i looked at my texts in the morning and saw that i had a full conversation with myself via text thinking it was someone else. i rejected myself
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